Letter to my 20 y.o. self

Dear Amanda,

10 years ago you wrote me,a now me, a letter. Titled "Letter to my 30 y.o self".

It thought it got lost! what in between changing laptops, moving houses, and the lack of Google drive at the time. But I remember you writing something about always pursue 'hapiness'. Before money especially. And I guess without reading the letter itself that message was embedded within me and affect my decision making this past decade. For that I deeply thank you.

Nevertheless the email came! Your letter! I read it and now I have so many things to say.. So I guess it is only right that I write back to you.

Dear me. 20 y.o. me.
I am proud to tell you that we are now married, with 1 kid, and we have a dog! Yes! A husky! And, yes! Love is not bullshit! It makes the world go round! Oh, and we're living in our own house, without a housekeeper! You still suck at house chores but I keep trying. I'll ask our 40 y.o self if we get better later.

Here are some things I wish someone told me when I was 20.

1. You don't need to have it all figured out before the age XX (insert any number).
Sure you need to figure things out, but there's no point in beating yourself up because of some made-up age deadline
It's okay, y'know.. for a long time you'll blame yourself for not thinking more about what you want to do with your life when you were a teen, to figure out your passion, and for a long time it burdens you that people pursue their passions knowingly, certainly, and certainty is the last thing you feel about your future.

But it's okay.. you always know your priority, happiness and love. You've found your future husband (sorry, spoiler alert) so you got that love part down, just keep fighting for it. You'll write your own future and nothing needs to be decided at once. What's the fun in that anyway? You can always add, remove, change things that you want in your life.

2.
Self consciousness will finally catch up to you. It skipped your teenage years but it'll come, and in full force. It's not fun but it's necessary. It force you to invent and reinvent yourself, whether it's for our own dreams or because we're just insecure. For some time it's necessary.

But within those years anxiety also came.

3. Friends come in unexpected times, character, personalities, background, with unexpected interests, logic, and ethics.
Give them all a chance without prejudice. You'll keep pushing people away if you think you can only handle certain kinds of friends. Give them a chance, then pay attention to them.
Having the love of your life become your best friend doesn't mean you don't need any other friends
Old friends might seem irrelevant to you, or even make you insecure (mostly because of your career choice), new friends might also seem irrelevant as they don't understand where you came from, what you have given up and what you have or haven't been.. but give them all a chance. More importantly, give yourself a chance to stay connected, to reconnect, and to make new connections.. cause no matter how irrelevant they seem to be, life without close friends is rather quiet. Maybe more quiet than you'd like.

4. Be kind. Often, being direct doesn't worth not being kind. Really! Like, people just turn deaf and say that you're mean. Just play kind.. You'll be happier.

In a more serious note.. Everyone is going through something. You've been a happy-go-lucky tough cookie so far, but life will take its turn. And you'll experience it first hand that you can look fine and feel like crap. You'll make friend with anxiety and eating disorder. Good news is you'll break those friendships after 1-2 years (each time) and your time with it give you a softer perspective. Bad news is, others might be going through much worse. Be considerate.


5. Be kind. Including to yourself.

Be kind to your body. Don't let other people's look make you feel worthless. Your body is capable of so many things! It works so well athletically, put up with any challenges you put it through and it'll also bear you a wonderful healthy child. And even if it doesn't, it brings you places everyday, it helps you think everyday. Those are the things you should never stop thanking your body for. You wanna be thin, or healthy, or pretty,or muscular, that's fine. But always know that it shouldn't be overdone, shouldn't make you feel guilty when your not up to your own standard, and put happiness first, as you said yourself. Remember?

Be kind to your choices, your life. Don't criticize it too much just because society has general standard for success and you're not fulfilling it. You thrive in other areas.

6. Don't beat yourself up. You are harsh, direct, and non permissive to others, and they would hate you or appreciate you for it. But the things you say to yourself... are sometimes not acceptable to be said to anyone. Don't beat yourself up. Esp for not meeting your made-up deadlines.



20s had been the hardest and also most rewarding. You'll love it & hate it!
In a pinch, being 30 is great, at least at the moment. I honestly don't feel old like I thought I would, I'm just glad 20s are over and I'm ready for the 30s