Vita, Dulcedo, et Spes

I was driving in a car, on a highway with an afternoon view. I guess it’s around 5pm.
I pulled over to the side, waiting for something.
I waited for a few while. Am I blocking that car behind?
I guess I’ll just keep going.

I continued driving, and the highway was turning right, almost making a U-turn.
Then the highway ended, replaced by watery dirt road.
There is a line of people across the road. Are they blocking the way?
No, I can get through from beside that old lady.
“People don’t choose well between the matter up there and the matter down here!!” the old lady shouted when I was passing right beside her. She looks messy in her black robe.
‘What is she talking about?’ I thought.
I kept driving into a group of pines. These pines were making a very thin forest that quickly ended.
As the forest was getting thin, small grassland appeared.

‘There it is, another highway’ I thought when I saw a highway on the right of the grassland.
It was seperated from the grassland by bushes.
‘Can I get through?’
Yes! There was two opening, one is close to another, seperated by mouldy bush that was only half as tall as other bushes.
But both was pretty small, I’m not sure my car can get through.
I drove my car heading for the opening. The highway was slightly higher than the grassland that when I was slowing down an passing it, then...

“People don’t choose well between the matter up there and the matter down here!!” said a very loud and strong voice that came out of nowhere.
I was really scared, I didn’t move. My car was half still in the grassland, half already on the highway.

And a giant crunched paperball appear from thin air, right in front of my car, on the highway.
“As for you who consider those two matter are as important, I will tell you a few thing”
Wind blew, thrusting the giant crunched paperball onto the grassland towards the pines forest.
I was still scared but I don’t want to lose that voice. I panicked.
I streched my hand trying to reach that paperball. But I was still in my car, underneath my seatbelt.
I cannot move far...

“Why are you scared of losing it. It’s just a paperball!!” the voice returned, even louder than before.
Ow, that’s right. The voice doesn’t come from the paperball. How stupid I was.
Now I’m scared like hell. I tucked myself deeper into the driver seat.
I’m really gonna write about this when I wake up.

“State 5 of my names!” said the voice.
5? I have no idea.
“5...”
I will not be able to reach 5...
“4...”
Is it...
“God?” I said cautiously.
....
....
I guess 1 out of 5 is okay...

‘Should I just keep going? I wanna drive through this highway, that will take me to the man I love.’

“You will not completely understand. You will not completely .....” the voice returned, getting softer words by words, that the last word was not completely understandable.
I will not remember this, is that so? I want to remember. I’m trying to remember it now...
....
Nothing...
Owh. No. Noo. I’m floating back to reality.
So I turned to my right side, hoping to sleep deeper.

Then thre I was, back on the driving seat. But now my car has gotten onto the highway.
The road was misty.
‘Well, I guess I shouldn’ve tried too hard to remember. I ended up with nothing’

But then, there it is, right on my lap.
Looked like somewhat a piece of brochure.
On the front side there are 3 pictures.
‘Are these what I’m supposed to know about?’
I opened the brochure to find out about the first picture.

1# The lover,, my favourite picture of us.
A voice from nowhere suddenly came again.
But this time, it sounded more like my voice than previous voice. Only that I wasn’t saying it. And I may be making it up. It’s my dream after all.
.............
It kept going. ‘I gotta remember what it’s saying.’
Now it’s talking about the ride.
‘You’re gonna tell me soon that I’m doing the right thing, right?’
‘Right?’
.....
No more voices.
Maybe that’s all about the lover

2# The building/ the view,, a landscape picture that I don’t know.
The voice returned again.
‘Why is it now talking about love. Isn’t it suppose to talked about it on previous picture?’
‘Maybe I really am making this up’
But the voice continue, eventhough I half expected it to stop because of my thought.
‘Am I still driving? Am I gonna make him wait? Maybe if I stop listen to this voice, I’ll get to him soon, and he wouldn’t need to wait’
...
That's it?
Maybe it’s time for the last picture

3# Me,, a picture of me that I never knew to exist.
‘Is it really suppose to be a picture of me?’
As I was waiting for the voice, I realized that the highway has disappeared.
It is now all misty.
“What are you scared of?!” said a voice from nowhere again, that now has sounded more real and less like my voice.
“I’m scared of being left out” I answered.
‘It’s weird that I answered the question, and that I answered it quickly’
I had never been able to know what I’m afraid of.
“Why do you self pity?!” asked the voice once more.
....
This time I didn’t answer.
‘Do I?’ I thought.
...

Then I fell to my normally bizarre Indonesian speaking dream. Out of my unnormally bizzare dream.